Hello everyone, as always it’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but Happy New Year!!! I missed my usual annual post where I detail what I will be up to on my blog or any new plans in general…however this year I let it go since it’s been extremely hard for me to be in the spirit of the holidays. As you may already know, we lost our little furbaby Ninja late last year. She had been dealing with Cushing’s Syndrome since 2016 or 2017 then she developed kidney failure a couple of years after that. We discovered she was already in stage two kidney failure and I blame the vet for not catching it sooner, but whatever, I will never set foot at that vet facility ever again in my life if I can help it. Soon after that she also developed a heart murmur so she was also diagnosed with congenital heart deffect (or failure) I’m not sure so my baby had quite a lot of ailments during the end. In September we had to rush her to the emergency room because her kidney levels all of a sudden rose too high too quickly and next thing you know she is in stage four. She hung onto stage two for as long as she could and I thought we had at least another year, (I was hoping for six to 12 more months with her in stage three), but true to Ninja form she skipped stage three and went directly to stage four. Towards the end, she was having a lot of poopy accidents and she couldn’t keep water down, so we made the very hard decision to put her to sleep…on my birthday.
As you can imagine we’ve been struggling with her loss, we have our ups and downs, and I cried over her every day for a solid month. Then as the holidays rolled around, I thought I was making progress, but when my parents came down with covid, and my mother in law wasn’t feeling well, we weren’t able to see family for Christmas. Usually I wouldn’t mind, for once we could have a nice, chill and relaxing Christmas without crazy, loud children running around and avoid family drama, but because we were missing a very important member of our family, it wasn’t the same. It was actually a very sad and depressing holiday for us, although my husband tried so hard to keep us happy and distracted, it didn’t matter. I ended up repressing it and I had a meltdown in front of my mother in law a week later when we went over to celebrate belated Christmas.
So I’ve chosen not to beat myself up over it. I know grieving is different for everyone, at this point I felt like I was making progress, but now I realize that I really haven’t and that is ok. Right now I feel like I will never be able to own another pet again, I cannot go through that pain again, maybe in a couple of years I’ll feel differently who knows. I just wish I could hold her one more time and tell her how much I love and miss her. I would probably squeeze her a little too hard and she would just look at me and tolerate my overzealous show of affection and ask for more cookies. Having said all of this, I just wanted to give my readers an insight of how I’ve been feeling.
I feel like I have lost all drive to continue with this blog. Not only is it expensive to keep running, but I just don’t care anymore. I think the change in the bead community was the first nail in the coffin, the pandemic kind of shifted my priorities, made me realize what is really important, and being in lockdown for so long made me realize that I only wear my jewelry when I go out, not at home. Also I lost a lot of my contacts, the contacts that would give me insight and info on future sales or news or releases. When I lost them, I kind of lost at the whole charm bead game, not having this edge was the second nail. P**dora having to do with shutting down my original IG account was the third nail, (I mean I refuse to even mention their name for fear of them coming after me!), and the fourth nail: I might regret saying this and I might be judged and criticized over this, but the bead community isn’t what it used to be. It has turned into an over commercialized, jealousy filled community that I just don’t recognize anymore. And I’m guilty of it too, I’m no saint either, but I’m tired of it. It used to be that one would share a themed bracelet and others would like because they genuinely liked the photo, now it just feels like a popularity contest and honestly it stopped being fun ages ago. People won’t like someone’s post because that person didn’t like and comment on their last post and OMG it just goes on and on. Honestly, if I don’t like or comment on your photo, it isn’t personal, it’s just that there are literally hundreds of other accounts that made posts and expect the likes and the comments and I just don’t have the time. I don’t know how some of you do it, to stay on top of liking and commenting, it’s like a full time job! And if you don’t do it, feelings get hurt, it’s exhausting. I KNOW I’m not the only one who feels this way, many people have left IG because of the same reasons, throw into the mix that now everyone has a promo code that they are pushing from certain brands that have oversaturated the market and what do you get? Everyone sharing the same exact thing over and over again. Also, the only reason I started doing haul videos was because I saw other youtubers making makeup or clothing haul videos, I didn’t realize it was a thing. I did it to emulate them since it was a thing, and I didn’t know people liked to watch haul or unboxing videos. Now I feel like those haul videos have turned into showing off videos. They are not made to show the audience what the jewelry looks like, it feels more like showing off to the audience and I’ve never liked that. I’m sorry if I have offended you, it is not my intention, I am not singling any one person out, I’m just talking in general over here on my personal little soap box in the smallest corner of the internet, expressing my thoughts on my blog called my xpressions lol.
Having said all of that, I don’t know what will become of my blog, and all of my socials. I wonder if I should just stop and hibernate, or do a 180 and completely change my content, I have no idea. Until I figure it out, I guess I’ll hang onto this blog until October when it’s up for renewal and then I will decide. I am truly sorry if I have disappointed or offended anyone, like I said it really wasn’t my intention, I am just a sad person going through a very sad time in her life, trying to figure out what to with this hobby that was supposed to alleviate stress and anxiety. There was a point in my life where I was posting on IG everyday, and I was posting on this blog twice a week!! I can’t believe I was posting that often, especially on the blog, but referring back to IG, I have to say, they sucked all of the joy out of posting as well with their stupid shadowbans and algorithms, it really became a stressor instead of stress relief. And now it’s literally a tik tok knock off, like ugh *EYEROLL* I just rolled my eyes so hard I strained my neck!
Please try to understand where I’m coming from, I’m just frustrated and just overall down. I’ve also been struggling with some health issues as well, and just when I thought I was doing good and getting better, I’ve been kind of hit over the head with a baseball bat and now I don’t see how I’ll ever get better from the myriad of health issues I’m going through. I have a feeling 2023 will not be a good year for me, but I’m trying to be optimistic and maybe 2023 will be my year after all. Guess we will find out next year when I write my annual post.
I’m so sorry for all the personal issues you have been experiencing. Please know I value your friendship even though it has been through a blog that we have connected.
Social media can be a double edged sword. I treasure all the friends I’ve made all over the world through our Pandora journeys. I have learned about the customs and norms of so many places! Helpful and positive experiences that have made my collecting such a joy.
That being said, I’ve never been the one running a blog, YouTube channel, or Insta story, and I haven’t braved the challenges that you have.
Whatever you decide going forward, I have enjoyed your commentary immensely and wish you only the best.
Thank you very much, I as always appreciate your comment and input. The good thins is I have time to reflect and think about it. Last year I think I only posted a total of five times throughout the year, hopefully this year I will have more to say and share, fingers crossed. I hope you are doing well. xoxo
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, heartaches, frustrations and all 💖 Sending you a big hug and my thoughts and prayers.
I didn’t realise how awful it must be having an IG account and blog, but it sounds terrible and I know I certainly couldn’t manage it, nor the competitive or show off aspects.
I totally agree with you about the change in the charm companies and have lost my o desire and enjoyment gained from collecting. The steep price increases and poorer quality adds to this.
I too had an awful year in 2022, the worst of my life. Many times in tears and considering ending it all as I have no purpose or reason to keep living. I enjoyed reading you blog entries when you added them, and every few months would see if you had. I am sad that you won’t be keeping the blog, but i appreciate all your Posts and information previously. Thank you 😊❤️🙏
Dear Angela, I’m so sorry for taking so long to respond to your comment, life has been difficult to say the least. My IG account has been disabled for “copyright infringement” and I’ve had to deal with some family crisis. I’m so sorry to hear about your very diffifult year. Please do not think to end it all…I know it’s hard, but I’m glad you are still here. Whatever you are going through, it will not last forever, I know it feels like it will, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
I agree with you of course about prices going up and up and up and quality going way down. I only buy a couple of times a year where before I would buy after every single collection and would not bother to wait for a sale.
Thank you for your suuport regarding my blog, I really don’t know what to do with it, keeping it a jewelry blog is getting harder to say the least. I wonder if I talk about older Pandora pieces if that will be enough to keep this blog alive. I also have just gotten bored with taking pictures, editing them, posting them and writing an article on them. It’s gotten tedious, we will see where this year takes me.
Hi Jahndra!
I’ve been following your blog from pretty much the beginning (and collecting as long) and I just wanted to comment for the first time to say that I totally understand how you’re feeling about the bead community and how it has changed. I don’t mind that it has expanded and grown because I love that other people are getting into charm bracelets, but I do mind how “cheap” things feel sometimes, and I’m talking about not only the bead quality..
ANYWAY, I love reading your posts, and I for one would love to read your blog as just a personal/life/thoughts type blog, not just bead related! I’m sorry to hear about your Ninja passing and your difficult holiday season, and hope you have a better one 🙁
Whatever you choose to do, I understand and wish you only the best! And thank you for updating us occasionally so we know that you’re OK.
Thank you so much for your comment, I really appreciate it. Yes I might just make this blog more of a personal type blog and not just jewelry since it’s starting to feel like I’m not only pulling away from jewelry content, but life is forcing me away from it. SO much has changed since Ninja died, I’m starting to re-prioritize the important things you know what I mean? But I’ll always be a jewerly girl at heart, I might just have to start focusing on other lesser known brands!
So sad (upset) to read about Ninja’s vet. Someone who should have given the right information, right treating plan, good advice. At least, that’s what you should expect from a medical doctor.
You took such good care of your family member and did your best to make life comfortable for Ninja, and because of this person things became even more sad. Let’s hope you don’t have feelings like what if…. And maybe we should’ve sooner… at least, that’s what happened to me once. And if you’re feeling just a tiny bit like that, I know what that’s like and it’s hard.
Please Jahndra, try to remember you did everything as you should. Ninja had a wonderful place in your family and so many years of warmth, happiness, annoying human cuddles and dog cookies. And like you expressed already, everyone is grieving differently. And people do have all kinds of good advice all the time. Like time will make the pain fade. And so on. But having lost fur family and non fur family members, I can say (give the annoying well meant advice) you’ll only miss them more over time. So it’s normal you still cry and feel depressed. And this all happened at a very emotional time as well. It’s like the universe didn’t care much and you got so many set- backs in a short time it’s just too much. Don’t feel bad about tears, melt downs and depressing feelings. And don’t feel bad about not posting, liking stuff on other peoples pages. This was meant to be fun, a hobby. If people need likes, as if they’re feeding on them and seem to need them to measure their happiness or ‘popularity’, it’s their problem. You shouldn’t feel guilty, or worse feel some sort or responsibility for their well being or feelings in any kind. You only post when it makes you happy, you only like stuff when you come across something that’s makes you happy. I’ll miss your blog if you decide to stop this autumn, but I’ll love missing it knowing you ended it because your using your time and money in something that makes you happy.
Having no Facebook anymore for years, and not using other social media like IG makes life old fashioned calm and normal- ish. That social media circus changed so much, where so many things are fake and feel incredibly forced it’s energy sucking. Only give when you feel like giving. Because these unboxing videos really were about letting others see how it looked like in real life and how you could style it. Based on that, others could get inspired. Like you inspired me and so many others all these years. So thank you for all those years of your input.
Struggling with health issues, in need for a hobby which wasn’t physically challenging made me start to collect this brand. It felt like playing with Lego. Only with somewhat more expensive bricks 😉
Silver and 14k bricks, with actual gemstones and pearls. The best part was, you could wear your created Lego pieces when you got out. And people didn’t judge you for still playing with Lego. Nowadays the ‘Lego’ bricks are made out of spaghetti it seems, and no offense to moms who wear those at mothers day. But I’m not going out my door wearing bracelets and necklaces looking cheap like that. So next to your struggle to find positivity and energy to make haul videos of this brand, these videos nowadays are in need of some good acting as well. How to respond well on light weight metal blends, coated with a thin layer of gold dust. And some hysterically colored cz’s. Back in the day I spotted fake P within a second. Because it looked cheaply made. Almost felt sorry for the people wearing it, because why would anybody like to wear fake P. In a way it makes sense now, those fake looking modern P pieces may explain the change in the bead community. This commend will be offensive to some people. But this is just how I feel. And of course there are still lovely P items now and then, I just prefer the old- school items. And everyone has a personal style, but the last items I bought where two tone charms and all silver ones which are rare in the new collections.
Maybe you can find yourself a new hobby which will bring you little sparks of happiness. And if you’re looking for a last new P video to upload as a closure, what about styling a bracelet especially dedicated to the lovely Ninja.
Sending virtual hugs right now.
And although nothing can take away your depressed feeling’s this very moment, keep in mind you’ve got lots of old- school charm friends all over the world.
Kind regards,
Cath
Dear Cath, thank you so very much for your comment. You understand very well what I’m going through. Today would’ve been Ninja’s 13th birthday and as I’ve dealt with my health issues and other family crisis, I have found that today of all days I miss her terribly. I think I’ve had five meltdowns so far as I look back on everything that has happened and I have been having lots of what if moments, like what if we had waited, would she had gotten better? Was she just having a bad day? Did we give her a chance to get better and manager her symptoms? I know in the end we probably made the right decision, but it’s still hard not seeing her everyday. I had no idea how much of an emotional support she was to me. Now that I’m going through all of this stress, I realize how much I need her.
As for my blog, I haven’t given it much thought. I guess i can talk about older pandora pieces like you so eloquently put. Older is definitely better, I’m starting to feel like a relic because I’m living in the past, hoping that P will bring back the quality they once had, but I know that is not going to happen. They think they need to modernize in order to stay relevant, I dont’ agree with that but it’s not like they care about what I think right? LOL.
I have recently lost my Ig account again, this time it’s Tiffany’s fault, I won’t go into the details but I’m having a hard time deciding whether I even want to create yet another account. I really just don’t care anymore. Someone suggested that if I keep my blog and make it a more personal thing, that they will still enjoy reading about what’s going with my life, so maybe I will take their advice and make it a more personal blog with some jewelry posts still interspersed her and there.
BTW I do have a P bracelet dedicated to all of my past fur babies, Ninja was already a part of it, I think it would be too hard for me to showcase it on Youtube right now, I also bought a customized bracele with Ninja’s name on it, I have been wearing that on and off for the last couple of months.
Thank you once again for your lovely comment, it makes me feel so good that there are people out there that really get it, and understand what I’m going through, thank you.
Today is such a difficult day for you, and still you take so much time writing back to all of us on your blog. You are so incredibly strong, I don’t think I could have managed to do that on such an emotional day.
The thing is, my biggest what if… is on the other side. I feel the guilt for many years now, waiting longer than was good for my fur family member. Waiting longer over being earlier by maybe a week or even a few weeks, is way worse. But reading how you are debating over it, maybe there is no ‘right’ in a decision like this.
I’m so sorry you’re missing your 🐾 🐾 emotional support at these emotional months. Paw support and love is different in a way, and more valuable than most people think.
I wish you strength and try to look at yourself a little bit like Ninja did. Because they don’t care about how you look, what you wear. If someone is carrying a few more pounds with them, or cleaned the kitchen right away…
Don’t judge yourself in any way these months, they are difficult enough to deal with as they are.
One noticeable thing about the original P collector’s, most of them are very hard on themselves. Are slightly OCD ☺️
And seem to love Autumn, over the other three seasons.
Somewhere there’s a falling star, upon you can make a wish. If not visible in the US, it’s visible over here in the EU. I wish you all the strength to get through all these challenges, which seem to line up.
✨💫⭐️